The DM Slide: Opening Lines That Don't Make Them Cringe

The Message That Changed Everything

She posted a photo of her dog wearing a tiny cowboy hat. He could’ve sent a heart reaction. He could’ve typed “cute.” He could’ve opened with “hey.”

Instead he wrote: “ok but does your dog do his own stunts or does he have a stunt double for the hat scenes”

She replied in 40 seconds. They’ve been together for two years.

Was it the funniest message ever written? No. But it was specific, playful, and impossible to ignore. That’s the formula.

Why Most Openers Fail

Let’s look at what lands in most people’s DMs:

Message	Why It Fails
“Hey”	Zero effort. Gives nothing to respond to.
“You’re so beautiful”	Flattering but generic. Could be sent to anyone.
“Hey gorgeous, I’d love to get to know you”	Sounds mass-produced. Also slightly formal-creepy.
“I know this is random but…”	The disclaimer kills confidence before you even start.

These fail for the same reason: they’re about the sender, not the recipient. They say “I think you’re attractive” without showing any genuine interest in who the person actually is.

The research backs this up. A survey of Gen Z daters found that DMs referencing something specific – a hobby, a post, a shared interest – dramatically outperform generic compliments.

Quick Check: What’s the key difference between a DM that gets replied to and one that gets ignored? (Specificity – referencing something unique about the person rather than sending a generic message.)

The Anatomy of a Good Opener

Every great first message has three ingredients:

1. A Hook (Something Specific)

Reference their content, not their appearance. “That ramen you posted looks incredible” beats “you’re gorgeous” every time. Why? Because it shows you paid attention, and it gives them something easy to talk about.

Hook sources:

Their recent story or post
A shared interest from their bio
Something in the background of a photo
A music taste, book, or show they referenced

2. A Question or Playful Statement

Give them a reason to respond. Questions work because they lower the effort needed to reply. Playful statements work because they invite banter.

Questions: “Was that the place on 5th? I’ve been meaning to try it.” Playful: “ok your coffee art is genuinely better than the barista at my spot and I’m a little offended”

3. Casual Energy

Two lines max. No formal greetings. No “Dear [name].” No wall of text. The vibe should feel like you’re continuing a conversation that already started, not launching a job application.

Quick Check: Name the three ingredients of a good DM opener. (A specific hook, a question or playful statement, and casual energy.)

The Five Opener Types That Actually Work

Here are five categories with examples. Notice how every single one is specific and gives the other person something to work with.

Type 1: The Content Reference

React to something they posted, but add a twist.

“Your bookshelf in that photo is chaos and I respect it. Any hidden gems in there?”
“ok that sunset photo is unfair. Where was that?”
“Your cat has more attitude than most people I know”

Type 2: The Shared Interest

Find common ground and build from it.

“Wait you’re into rock climbing too? What’s your go-to gym?”
“I see you were at that concert — the encore was insane right?”
“Fellow plant parent! How do you keep your monstera alive? Mine is on life support”

Type 3: The Playful Challenge

Light teasing that invites a comeback.

“Bold take on pineapple pizza in your story. I need to hear the defense”
“Your Spotify Wrapped says a lot about you and I have questions”
“That cooking video… did it actually turn out or is this aspirational content”

Type 4: The Genuine Curiosity

Ask about something that shows real interest.

“I saw you volunteer at the animal shelter — how’d you get into that?”
“Your travel photos are wild. Which trip was your favorite?”
“That art you posted — is that your work? The style is really cool”

Type 5: The Situational

Based on timing or shared context.

“This weather is making me want to do nothing productive. How’s your weekend going?”
“We’ve been mutuals for a while and I just realized we’ve never actually talked”
“Your take on that thread was the only one that made sense”

Using AI to Craft Your Opener

Here’s where AI becomes your wingman. Don’t ask AI to write the message. Ask it to help you brainstorm.

Try this prompt:

“I want to DM someone on Instagram. Here’s what I know about them: [describe their recent posts, bio, interests]. Help me brainstorm 5 casual, fun opening messages that reference their content. Keep each under 2 sentences. Avoid anything generic or compliment-heavy.”

AI will generate options. Your job is to:

Pick the one that sounds most like you
Adjust the wording to match your voice
Add or remove details to make it feel natural

The rule: If you wouldn’t say it in a casual conversation at a party, don’t send it as a DM.

What NOT to Do

Mistake	Why It Fails	Instead
Opening with a compliment about their body	Feels objectifying, especially from a stranger	Compliment their taste, work, or personality
Sending a paragraph	Feels intense and pressure-heavy	1-2 sentences max
Using “I know this is random”	Kills your confidence before you start	Just send the message confidently
Mass-messaging the same opener	People compare notes. They will find out.	Personalize every message
Reacting to emotional/vulnerable posts	Comes across as predatory	Wait for casual, positive content
DMing and immediately following up	Pressure creates distance, not attraction	Send and forget. Check back later.

The Send-and-Forget Mindset

The biggest mistake isn’t what you say. It’s what you do after you say it.

You send the message. Then you check if they’ve seen it. Then you check again. Then you wonder if you should send a follow-up. Then you draft a follow-up. Then you delete it. Then you check again.

Stop. The most attractive thing you can do after sending a message is genuinely not care whether they reply immediately. This isn’t a game or a trick – it’s just healthy. You sent a message. They’ll see it when they see it. Go live your life.

Research from Hinge found that if you do send a follow-up, waiting at least four hours actually increases the likelihood of a response compared to a single message. But only if the follow-up adds something new (a meme, a related thought, a question) instead of “did you see my message?”

Key Takeaways

Great openers are specific, short, and give the other person something to respond to
Reference their content, not their appearance, for the first message
Two lines max – confidence is casual, not verbose
AI is your brainstorm partner: generate options, pick the one that sounds like you
Send and forget – the most attractive energy is a full life beyond the screen
Never message during someone’s vulnerable moments

Up Next

You sent the opener. They replied. Now what? The next lesson covers the art of flirty texting – banter, emoji strategy, and the science of response timing that keeps the conversation alive.