Active Listening and Powerful Questions

The Skill Behind Every Great Coach

🔄 In the previous lesson, we learned coaching frameworks like GROW and CLEAR. Frameworks are the structure. Listening and questioning are the fuel that makes them work.

You can know the GROW model perfectly and still be a mediocre coach if you don’t listen well. Conversely, a coach with exceptional listening skills can have transformative conversations without any formal framework.

Active listening and powerful questions are the two skills that separate good coaches from great ones.

The Three Levels of Listening

Most people operate at Level 1. Great coaches operate at Level 3.

Level 1: Internal Listening

You hear the words while thinking about your response, your opinions, or your similar experiences.

Signs you’re at Level 1:

You’re planning what to say next
You interrupt to share your own story
You hear the words but miss the emotion
You jump to solutions quickly

Level 2: Focused Listening

Full attention on the speaker. You hear their words, notice their tone, and track their meaning.

Signs you’re at Level 2:

You can accurately paraphrase what they said
You notice when their words and tone don’t match
You resist the urge to share your own experience
You ask follow-up questions based on what they actually said (not what you expected them to say)

Level 3: Global Listening

You hear everything: words, tone, body language, what’s not being said, the energy in the room.

Signs you’re at Level 3:

You notice shifts in energy or enthusiasm
You pick up on topics they’re avoiding
You sense when something deeper is beneath the surface
You can name the emotion they haven’t articulated

Active Listening Techniques

1. Reflecting Back

Paraphrase what you heard to confirm understanding.

“So what I’m hearing is…”
“It sounds like you’re saying…”
“Let me make sure I understand: you feel [emotion] because [situation]?”

2. Summarizing

Condense a longer explanation into key points.

“If I summarize, there are three main concerns: [A], [B], and [C]. Did I capture that?”

3. Naming the Emotion

Articulate the feeling you sense behind their words.

“That sounds really frustrating.”
“I notice you seem excited about that possibility.”
“There seems to be some anxiety around this decision.”

4. Comfortable Silence

After asking a question, wait. Don’t rush to fill silence. Deep thinking takes time.

Count to 7 silently after asking a question. It feels eternal. But the best insights come after the silence.

✅ Quick Check: Which level of listening do you typically operate at in conversations? Be honest with yourself. What would change if you moved up one level?

The Art of Powerful Questions

Powerful questions share characteristics:

Characteristic	Example
Open-ended	“What’s most important to you about this?”
Short	“What do you want?” (not a paragraph-long question)
Curious, not leading	“How do you see this?” (not “Don’t you think you should…?”)
Thought-provoking	“What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”
Forward-focused	“What’s the smallest next step?”

Questions by Purpose

To explore the situation:

“Tell me more about that.”
“What’s really going on here?”
“What have you tried so far?”
“What’s the hardest part?”

To deepen understanding:

“What makes you say that?”
“What’s behind that feeling?”
“What pattern do you notice?”
“What’s the impact of this?”

To generate possibilities:

“What could you do differently?”
“What would [person you admire] do in this situation?”
“If you had unlimited resources, what would you try?”
“What’s one thing you haven’t considered?”

To create commitment:

“What will you do first?”
“When will you start?”
“What support do you need?”
“How will you know you’re making progress?”

To challenge gently:

“What’s the assumption behind that?”
“Is that true, or does it just feel true?”
“What would someone who disagrees say?”
“What are you avoiding?”

Questions to Avoid

Avoid	Why	Instead
“Why did you do that?”	Triggers defensiveness	“What led to that decision?”
“Don’t you think you should…?”	Leading question, not coaching	“What options do you see?”
“Have you tried X?”	Advice disguised as a question	“What approaches have you considered?”
Multiple questions at once	Overwhelms, they answer the easiest one	One question at a time
“Yes or no” questions	Shuts down exploration	Start with “What,” “How,” or “Tell me”

Practicing with AI

AI is an exceptional practice partner for listening and questioning skills:

“Role-play a coaching conversation. You are an employee dealing with [scenario]. After each of my responses, rate my listening and questioning on a 1-10 scale and suggest improvements. Focus on whether I’m asking open-ended questions, reflecting back effectively, and avoiding advice-giving.”

“Generate 10 powerful coaching questions for a situation where someone is [describe scenario]. Make them open-ended, concise, and thought-provoking. Avoid leading questions.”

The 70/30 Rule

In a coaching conversation, the coachee should talk approximately 70% of the time. If you’re talking more than 30%, you’re probably advising, not coaching.

Track yourself: After your next coaching conversation, estimate the ratio. Most people are shocked to find they talk 50-60% of the time.

Exercise

Practice these skills in your next three conversations (they don’t have to be formal coaching sessions):

Conversation 1: Focus only on Level 2 listening. Don’t share your own experience at all.
Conversation 2: Ask only open-ended questions. No closed questions for the entire conversation.
Conversation 3: After each statement the other person makes, reflect back before asking your next question.

Notice how the quality of the conversation changes.

Key Takeaways

Three levels of listening: Internal (Level 1), Focused (Level 2), Global (Level 3) — aim for Level 2 minimum
Active listening techniques include reflecting, summarizing, naming emotions, and comfortable silence
Powerful questions are open-ended, short, curious, and forward-focused
Avoid “why” questions (defensive), leading questions (advice in disguise), and multiple questions at once
The 70/30 rule: the coachee should talk 70% of the time
AI is an excellent practice partner for developing these skills

Up next: In the next lesson, we’ll dive into Goal Setting and Development Plans to turn coaching insights into actionable progress.