The First Days & Weeks

The first days after a major loss are a blur. Your brain is in survival mode while the world demands decisions: funeral arrangements, notifications, logistics. This lesson helps you triage the chaos — handling what’s truly urgent and deferring everything else.

🔄 Quick Recall: In the previous lesson, you learned that grief oscillates between loss focus and restoration focus — it doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. Now you’ll apply that understanding to the intense, overwhelming first days and weeks.

Triaging the First 72 Hours

Decision Triage Prompt

I've just experienced a loss and I'm overwhelmed by decisions.
Help me sort what needs to happen now vs. what can wait.

My situation: [brief description — death, relationship end, job loss, etc.]
What's pressing on me right now: [list everything on your mind]

Sort these into:
1. MUST DO TODAY (truly time-sensitive, cannot wait)
2. THIS WEEK (important but not today)
3. THIS MONTH (can wait, should not be rushed)
4. LATER (do not make these decisions while in acute grief)

For each urgent item, give me the simplest possible next step —
not the whole process, just the very next action.

For death specifically, the first 72 hours typically require:

• Notify immediate family and closest friends
• Contact a funeral home (they guide most of the next steps)
• Secure the home and belongings of the deceased
• Locate important documents (will, insurance, ID)

Everything else can wait. Obituaries, memorial planning, estate matters, financial accounts, thank-you notes — none of these are 72-hour tasks, no matter how urgent they feel.

Managing Communications

Notification Message Prompt

Help me draft messages to notify people about [my loss]:

I need messages for:
1. Close family members (not yet notified)
2. Friends and extended family (brief, personal)
3. Workplace/employer (professional, includes timeline)
4. Social media (if I choose to post)

For each:
- Keep it brief — I don't have energy for long messages
- Include only essential information
- If appropriate, mention the point person for coordination
- Match the tone to the relationship

Workplace notification example:

AI can help you draft a message like: “I’m writing to let you know that [person] passed away on [date]. I’ll need to be away from work starting [date]. I’ll be in touch about my return timeline. For urgent matters, please contact [colleague]. Thank you for your understanding.”

✅ Quick Check: Should you post about your loss on social media? (Answer: Only if and when YOU want to. There’s no obligation. Some people find that a social media post efficiently notifies their wider circle and opens a channel for support. Others find it invasive or performative. If you do post, AI can help you draft something that says exactly what you want — no more, no less. If you don’t, ask your point person to handle inquiries privately.)

Accepting Help

Help Coordination Prompt

Help me create a coordination system for people who want to help:

My current needs:
- Meals for [number] people for the next [X] weeks
- Childcare: [school pickup, activities, bedtime]
- Household: [lawn, pets, mail, cleaning]
- Errands: [grocery, pharmacy, dry cleaning]
- Phone calls I can't make: [list]

Create:
1. A simple task list I can share with people who offer help
2. A brief message I can send when someone says "what can I do?"
3. A schedule framework for the next 2 weeks

What to accept:

• Meals (specific days and dietary needs listed)
• Childcare and school transportation
• Household tasks (lawn, pets, mail)
• Specific errands with clear instructions
• Someone to sit with you quietly

What to defer:

• Major financial decisions
• Selling or giving away belongings
• Moving or changing your living situation
• Making promises about the future

Practice Exercise

1. If you’re in the early days, use the triage prompt to sort your overwhelming task list — what actually needs to happen today?
2. Draft one notification message using the prompt — having a template makes the next 10 easier
3. Create a help coordination list — even if you don’t share it yet, organizing what you need reduces the overwhelm

Key Takeaways

• In the first 72 hours, only a few things are truly urgent — triage everything else into “this week,” “this month,” and “later”
• Designate a point person to handle communications, coordinate help, and protect your limited emotional bandwidth
• Specific help requests (“bring dinner Tuesday”) are far more effective than open-ended offers (“is there anything I can do?”)
• Avoid making permanent decisions during acute grief — selling property, changing jobs, or making major life changes can wait months
• AI helps you draft notification messages, organize help, and triage tasks — the practical scaffolding that frees you to grieve
• It’s okay to not respond to every message, not answer every call, and not meet other people’s expectations of how you should be grieving

Up Next

In the next lesson, you’ll tackle the practical tasks that follow a loss — the paperwork, accounts, legal requirements, and administrative burden that lands on you when you’re least equipped to handle it.