Supporting Others Who Grieve

Grief doesn’t happen in isolation. When someone dies or a major loss occurs, it ripples outward — affecting children, spouses, friends, co-workers, and communities. If you’re grieving, you’re also often supporting others who are grieving. If you’re supporting someone in grief, you may feel helpless about what to say or do.

🔄 Quick Recall: In the previous lesson, you learned emotional processing tools — journaling, letter-writing, and working through guilt and anger. Now you’ll learn to extend that understanding to others: how to support children, friends, and colleagues through their own grief.

Supporting Grieving Children

Age-Appropriate Grief Responses

Help me talk to my [age]-year-old about [the loss]:

What happened: [brief description]
What they already know: [what they've been told or observed]
What concerns me about their reaction: [specific behaviors]

Help me:
1. Explain the loss in age-appropriate language
2. Anticipate their likely questions and prepare honest answers
3. Identify what routine and stability they need most
4. Recognize warning signs that they might need professional support
5. Know what NOT to say (common well-meaning mistakes)

Universal rules for children’s grief:

• Use the word “died” — not “passed away,” “lost,” or “went to sleep”
• Reassure them: “This is not your fault” and “You are safe”
• Maintain routines as much as possible — school, bedtime, activities
• Let them grieve in their own way — this might include play, humor, or seeming indifference
• Answer questions honestly, including “I don’t know” when appropriate

What to Say (and Not Say) to Grieving Adults

✅ Quick Check: You want to support a friend but don’t know what to say. What’s the single most helpful thing? (Answer: Show up. Physically be present. Bring food, sit quietly, do a load of laundry. Grieving people don’t remember what you said — they remember that you were there. Actions speak louder than words in grief: the friend who showed up to mow the lawn meant more than the one who sent a beautiful card.)

Returning to Work While Grieving

Help me draft a message to my team/manager about returning to work:

My situation: [brief — who I lost, how long I've been away]
What I need: [flexibility, reduced meetings, specific accommodations]
What I can handle: [what feels manageable right now]

Draft a professional message that:
1. Thanks them for their support
2. Sets realistic expectations about my capacity
3. Requests specific accommodations (if any)
4. Establishes how to handle grief moments at work

The average bereavement leave in the US is 3-5 days — profoundly inadequate for significant loss. Most people return to work while still actively grieving.

Practice Exercise

1. If you have children, check in using the age-appropriate framework — how are they processing? Do they need more conversation or more routine?
2. Identify one person in your life who is also grieving this loss — reach out with a specific action, not just words
3. If you’re returning to work, draft your re-entry message using the prompt

Key Takeaways

• Use the word “died” with children — euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “went away” create confusion and fear
• Children’s grief varies by developmental stage — a 5-year-old thinks death is reversible; a teenager understands it intellectually but lacks coping tools
• The most helpful thing for a grieving adult isn’t perfect words — it’s specific actions (meals, errands, physical presence)
• Avoid “at least” statements, timeline judgments, and pressure to “be strong” — these minimize pain rather than acknowledging it
• Returning to work after 3-5 days of bereavement leave means working while grieving — communicate your needs and accept reduced capacity as temporary and normal
• Everyone grieves differently — never judge someone’s timeline, visible emotion, or choices about moving forward

Up Next

In the next lesson, you’ll explore rebuilding meaning after loss — not “getting over it,” but finding a way forward that honors what you’ve lost while creating space for what comes next.