Delivering Effective Feedback
Give feedback that changes behavior without creating defensiveness. Master frameworks for positive, corrective, and developmental feedback conversations.
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Why Feedback Terrifies Everyone
In the previous lesson, we covered delegation frameworks. Now let’s build on that foundation with the skill leaders struggle with most: giving feedback.
Most managers either avoid feedback entirely (hoping problems fix themselves) or deliver it so awkwardly that it creates resentment instead of change. Both approaches fail the team.
The problem isn’t that feedback is hard. It’s that nobody teaches you how to do it well. So you fall back on what you’ve experienced—which, for most people, was clumsy feedback from their own managers.
The SBI Feedback Framework
Forget the feedback sandwich. Use SBI instead:
S — Situation: When and where did this happen? B — Behavior: What specifically did the person do? I — Impact: What was the effect on the team, project, or customer?
Example:
Instead of: “You need to be more professional in meetings.”
Use SBI: “In yesterday’s client meeting (situation), you checked your phone three times during the client’s presentation (behavior). The client paused each time and seemed frustrated, which put our relationship at risk (impact).”
The SBI version is specific, observable, and non-judgmental. The person knows exactly what to change.
Practice with AI:
I need to give feedback about this situation:
[Describe what happened]
Help me structure this using the SBI framework:
1. What's the specific situation (time, place)?
2. What's the observable behavior (not interpretation)?
3. What's the impact (on team, project, customer)?
4. How should I phrase this for a constructive conversation?
5. What defensive reactions should I prepare for?
Types of Feedback
Different situations require different approaches:
Reinforcing Feedback (Keep doing this)
When someone does something well, be specific about why it was effective:
“In the sprint review, you walked through each feature with a user story. The stakeholders could immediately see the value. Keep doing that—it’s the most effective demo format I’ve seen.”
Corrective Feedback (Change this)
When something needs to change, focus on behavior and impact:
“The report you sent to the client had three data errors. When clients find errors, it erodes their confidence in our analysis. Let’s set up a review step before reports go out.”
Developmental Feedback (Grow into this)
When you’re pushing someone’s growth:
“You’re strong at individual technical work. The next level requires leading cross-functional conversations. I’d like you to run the next project kickoff—I’ll coach you through the prep.”
Quick Check
A manager says: “Sarah, you’re not a team player. You need to start collaborating better.” Using the SBI framework, what’s wrong with this feedback and how would you fix it?
See suggested approach
Three problems: (1) “Not a team player” is a character judgment, not a behavior. (2) “Collaborating better” is vague and not actionable. (3) There’s no specific situation or impact. SBI version: “Sarah, in last week’s project planning meeting (S), you worked through the timeline alone and presented it without input from design or QA (B). As a result, both teams had concerns that weren’t addressed, and we had to redo the timeline (I). Going forward, I’d like you to get input from both teams before finalizing plans.”
The Feedback Conversation Structure
For significant feedback, plan the full conversation:
1. Ask Permission
“I have some feedback about the project. Is now a good time?” (Gives them mental space to receive feedback)
2. State the SBI
Deliver the situation, behavior, and impact clearly and concisely.
3. Pause and Listen
Stop talking. Let them process and respond. The silence is important.
4. Explore Together
“What’s your perspective on this?” “What was going on for you?” (You might learn context that changes your understanding)
5. Agree on Next Steps
“What would you like to do differently?” “How can I support that?” (Let them own the solution when possible)
6. Follow Up
Check in later. “How did the new approach work?” (Shows you care about growth, not just compliance)
Timing and Delivery
| Factor | Recommendation |
|---|---|
| When | As soon as possible after the event (not weeks later) |
| Where | Private for corrective feedback, public for reinforcing |
| Length | Keep it brief (5-10 minutes for corrective) |
| Tone | Calm, curious, caring—never angry or frustrated |
| Frequency | Regular and balanced (not only when things go wrong) |
The ratio: Aim for 3-5 positive observations for every corrective one. Not because you’re manufacturing positives, but because you should be noticing what people do well.
Rehearsing with AI
Before a difficult feedback conversation, rehearse:
AI: I need to give corrective feedback to [team member] about [situation].
Let's role-play this conversation. You play [team member].
I'll start by delivering my SBI feedback. Respond as they might—
include realistic pushback, defensiveness, or questions.
After each exchange, coach me on:
- Was my phrasing specific and non-judgmental?
- Did I stay focused on behavior and impact?
- How could I handle their response better?
Receiving Feedback as a Leader
Leaders who can’t receive feedback can’t expect their teams to accept it either.
Model Good Receiving:
- Thank the person for sharing
- Don’t get defensive (even if you disagree)
- Ask clarifying questions
- Reflect back what you heard
- Take action on valid points
- Follow up to show you listened
Ask for feedback actively:
“What’s one thing I could do differently to better support the team?” “Where am I getting in the way without realizing it?”
Common Feedback Mistakes
| Mistake | Why It Fails | Better Approach |
|---|---|---|
| Vague praise (“Good job!”) | No learning, feels hollow | Specify what was good and why |
| Character judgments (“You’re lazy”) | Creates defensiveness, attacks identity | Describe specific behaviors |
| Delayed feedback (weeks later) | Context is lost, feels unfair | Give feedback within 48 hours |
| Feedback only when things go wrong | Creates fear of being noticed | Balance with regular positive observations |
| Asking for change without explaining impact | Person doesn’t understand why it matters | Always include the “so what” |
Exercise: Practice Feedback Delivery
- Identify one reinforcing and one corrective feedback you need to give
- Structure each using the SBI framework
- Rehearse the corrective feedback with AI (role-play)
- Refine your phrasing based on AI coaching
- Deliver the reinforcing feedback this week (start with the easy one)
Key Takeaways
- Use SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact) instead of the feedback sandwich
- Be specific about observable behaviors—never label character traits
- Different situations need different feedback types: reinforcing, corrective, developmental
- Rehearse difficult conversations with AI before having them in person
- Aim for a 3:1 positive-to-corrective ratio—notice what people do well
- Receiving feedback well as a leader models the behavior you want from your team
Up next: In the next lesson, we’ll dive into Conflict Resolution Strategies.
Knowledge Check
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