Conflict Resolution Strategies

Conflict Is Normal. Unresolved Conflict Isn’t.

In the previous lesson, we covered delivering effective feedback. Now let’s build on that foundation by addressing what happens when disagreements escalate beyond a feedback conversation.

Every team experiences conflict. Different perspectives, competing priorities, personality clashes, unclear roles—conflict is a natural byproduct of people working together.

The problem isn’t conflict itself. It’s unresolved conflict. A disagreement addressed early is a five-minute conversation. The same disagreement ignored for three months is a team crisis.

Types of Workplace Conflict

Understanding the type of conflict determines the resolution approach:

Key insight: Task and process conflicts are often healthy—they lead to better decisions when managed well. Relationship and values conflicts are more destructive and need faster intervention.

The Conflict Resolution Framework

Step 1: Assess the Situation

Before intervening, understand what you’re dealing with:

AI: Two team members are in conflict. Here's what I've observed:
[Describe the situation]

Help me assess:
1. What type of conflict is this (task, process, relationship, values)?
2. How severe is it (disagreement, tension, open hostility)?
3. Should I intervene now or give them time to resolve it?
4. What additional information do I need?
5. What's the risk of not intervening?

Step 2: Listen Separately

Meet with each person individually. Your goal is to understand, not judge.

Questions to ask:

• “Tell me what’s been going on from your perspective.”
• “How is this affecting your work?”
• “What would a good resolution look like for you?”
• “Is there anything I might be missing?”

Rules for separate conversations:

• Don’t share what one person said with the other
• Don’t take sides or validate blame
• Listen more than you talk (aim for 80/20)
• Take notes on interests, not just positions

Step 3: Identify Interests Behind Positions

People state positions (“I should lead the project”). Behind positions are interests (“I want to develop leadership skills” or “I don’t trust the other person to deliver quality”).

AI: In this conflict, the two positions are:
Person A wants: [their stated position]
Person B wants: [their stated position]

Help me identify possible underlying interests for each person.
What might they actually need that's driving their stated position?
Suggest questions I can ask to uncover their real interests.

Step 4: Facilitate the Conversation

Bring them together when both feel heard and you understand the dynamics.

The mediation structure:

1. Ground rules: “We’re here to find a solution, not assign blame.”
2. Each shares: One person shares their perspective (uninterrupted), then the other.
3. Reflect: Each person restates what they heard the other say.
4. Common ground: “Where do you agree?”
5. Solutions: “What could work for both of you?”
6. Agreement: Specific actions, timeline, follow-up.

Step 5: Follow Up

Check in after one week and one month. Conflict resolution isn’t a one-time event—it’s a process.

Quick Check

Two team members disagree about a project approach. Person A wants to move fast and iterate. Person B wants thorough planning before starting. They’ve stopped communicating effectively. What type of conflict is this, and what’s your first step?

De-Escalation Techniques

When emotions are running high:

Immediate De-Escalation:

• Stay calm yourself. Your emotional regulation sets the tone.
• Acknowledge feelings. “I can see this is really frustrating.”
• Slow the pace. Speak slower, lower your volume slightly.
• Separate if needed. “Let’s take a 10-minute break and come back to this.”

Phrases That De-Escalate:

• “Help me understand your perspective.”
• “I can see why that would be frustrating.”
• “What I’m hearing is… Is that right?”
• “Let’s focus on what we can solve.”

Phrases That Escalate (Avoid):

• “You’re overreacting.”
• “That’s not a big deal.”
• “You need to calm down.”
• “That’s just how things are.”

When to Intervene vs. Step Back

Not every conflict needs your intervention:

Preventing Conflict

The best conflict resolution is prevention:

Clear roles and responsibilities: Most process conflicts come from unclear ownership.

Regular communication: Weekly check-ins surface issues before they become conflicts.

Shared goals: When teams share objectives, disagreements become problem-solving, not turf wars.

Norms and agreements: Team agreements about communication, decision-making, and conflict handling reduce friction.

AI: I want to establish team norms that prevent common conflicts.
My team size is [X] and we work [in-person/remotely/hybrid].

Help me create team agreements covering:
1. How we make decisions (consensus, majority, leader decides)
2. How we communicate disagreements
3. How we handle missed deadlines
4. How we resolve conflicts that we can't resolve alone
5. How we give each other feedback

Exercise: Conflict Resolution Practice

1. Recall a past workplace conflict (yours or observed)
2. Classify the conflict type
3. Use AI to role-play the mediation conversation
4. Practice de-escalation techniques
5. Draft a team agreement that would have prevented it

Key Takeaways

• Conflict is normal—unresolved conflict is the problem. Early intervention prevents escalation.
• Identify the conflict type (task, process, relationship, values) to choose the right approach
• Listen separately first, then bring people together with understanding of both perspectives
• Focus on interests behind positions—the real needs are often compatible
• De-escalation starts with your own emotional regulation
• Prevent conflict through clear roles, regular communication, and team agreements

Up next: In the next lesson, we’ll dive into Managing Difficult Conversations.