Self-Care & Relationships

Everyone talks about the baby. Almost no one talks about you. Postpartum recovery, mental health, relationship maintenance, and returning to work are just as important as baby’s feeding schedule — because a struggling parent can’t give their best to their baby. This lesson puts the focus where it’s overdue: on you.

🔄 Quick Recall: In the previous lesson, you built health and safety systems — babyproofing, doctor visit prep, and emergency response guides. Now you’ll build the same kind of systematic support for yourself.

Your Recovery Plan

Create a postpartum recovery plan for me:

Delivery type: [vaginal / cesarean / complicated]
Weeks postpartum: [number]
Current physical symptoms: [describe]
Current emotional state: [describe honestly]
Support available: [partner, family nearby, alone, etc.]
Returning to work: [date or stay-at-home]

Build a plan that includes:
1. Physical recovery timeline and what to expect this week
2. Warning signs that need medical attention
3. Daily self-care minimum (the absolute basics when time is limited)
4. Mental health check-in questions to ask myself weekly
5. Things I should NOT be doing yet at this stage
6. When to expect to feel "more like myself"

Physical Recovery Timeline

Call your doctor if you experience: heavy bleeding (soaking a pad in 1 hour), fever over 100.4°F, foul-smelling discharge, severe headaches or vision changes, pain or redness at incision site, chest pain or difficulty breathing, thoughts of self-harm.

✅ Quick Check: At 10 weeks postpartum, your hair starts falling out in clumps. Normal or concerning? (Answer: Completely normal. Postpartum hair loss typically starts 2-4 months after delivery and can last 6-12 months. During pregnancy, hormones kept more hair than usual in the growth phase. After delivery, those hairs shed all at once. It looks alarming but isn’t a health concern — your hair will return to its pre-pregnancy fullness.)

Mental Health Monitoring

I'm [weeks/months] postpartum. Help me do a mental health check-in.

Walk me through the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale
questions and help me understand my score:
- What each score range means
- When to talk to my doctor
- Resources available to me
- The difference between baby blues and PPD

Also: suggest 3 micro-self-care actions I can do in 5 minutes
or less today, given that I have [describe your situation].

Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression:

Crisis resources:

• Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773 (call or text)
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988

Relationship Maintenance

My partner and I are struggling with [describe]:
- Division of labor disagreements
- Feeling disconnected
- Different parenting approaches
- Lack of intimacy
- Communication breakdowns
- Extended family boundary issues

Help me:
1. Understand why this is normal (Gottman's research on new parents)
2. Create a weekly 15-minute check-in structure
3. Draft a conversation starter for the issue I described
4. Suggest 3 small daily gestures that maintain connection
5. Identify when we might benefit from couples therapy

The Weekly Check-In (15 minutes):

Return-to-Work Planning

I'm returning to work on [date]. Help me create a transition plan:

Work type: [office / remote / hybrid]
Childcare: [daycare / nanny / family member / TBD]
Breastfeeding: [yes, need pumping plan / no]
Biggest worry: [describe]

Build a plan with:
1. Caregiver instructions document (daily routine, feeding, nap,
   emergency contacts, preferences)
2. Pumping schedule that works with my work hours
3. A 2-week trial run timeline before the actual first day
4. What to include in my return-to-work conversation with my manager
5. My rights (FMLA, PUMP Act, state-specific protections)
6. Backup plan for sick days (baby or caregiver)

✅ Quick Check: Under the PUMP Act (2023), what are your pumping rights at work? (Answer: Most employees are entitled to reasonable break time and a private space — not a bathroom — to pump for one year after birth. The space must be shielded from view and free from intrusion. Employers with fewer than 50 employees may be exempt if compliance would cause undue hardship. Many states have additional protections that go further.)

Key Takeaways

• Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 mothers and can also affect fathers — it goes beyond “baby blues” and is highly treatable, but rarely resolves without help
• Physical recovery takes 6 weeks minimum (vaginal) to 8+ weeks (cesarean) — give yourself permission to heal instead of “bouncing back”
• The Gottman research shows that maintaining your friendship system (daily appreciation, turning toward each other, weekly check-ins) predicts relationship survival better than romance or equal chores
• Return-to-work anxiety is nearly universal — a detailed transition plan (caregiver instructions, pumping schedule, manager conversation) transforms overwhelming logistics into manageable steps
• Self-care isn’t selfish — a depleted parent cannot give their best to their baby

Up Next

In the final lesson, you’ll pull everything together into a comprehensive first-year plan — a living document that tracks health, development, feeding, sleep, and family wellbeing from month 1 through month 12.